Simple introduction

I am beyond anything right now. This second I feel more than I've felt in months and months. I touched someone who has changed my life. My skin encountered the skin of someone who is so much more than he could know. I watched as eyes connected and fell, and looked up secretly to just catch the other's in the same act. I reached out and I felt everything. It was in my hand for a mere moment. I felt it and I can feel it now. It is so far past lovely to know that they are real, they are so real and they must know and feel it too. I can feel it so hard in my soul. I know that people can sense it, but no one can taste it like I tasted it tonight. They changed everything. It made me alive again.

I want to feel the cold on my skin, i want to shiver while your camera looks upon me, i want to wear white and dance in the autumn leaves and feel you call my name.

You are on my mind. I listen to Bob Dylan to hear your voice. I miss you. I think about how I haven't slept the same since we ended. I haven't felt passion or deep emotion. I miss you.

unwanted

The moment you left me, standing alone, crying.. i thought to myself, "he will turn around.. and come after me and fix this", but you didn't. The night i got home, laying in my bed, no ring on my finger, i thought to myself, "he will drive down, show up soon and beg for me back", but you didn't. The weeks after i returned to school, single, lonely, heartbroken.. i thought to myself, "he will fly out here, come to my door, kiss me, and ask for my forgiveness", but you didn't. I thought you would want me back once you realized you had lost me. All i want is for you to want me back, to want to be with me again.. i fought for you when i lost you, but you don't seem to want to find me..

on love, in sadness

It hurts so bad, why did this have to happen? I love you so much still. I gave you everything I had and I completely let you into my heart. I can't go an hour without thinking about you or wishing I could talk to you. I know you know me well enough to picture me sitting here, writing this. I'm on my bed, wet hair from the shower, and it hurts. You broke my heart. You did me so wrong, you don't treat the girl you love like that! Even if you were hurt, you would not, should not have treated me like that. I want you to love me still, I want you to come to me and apologize and try to get back together with me. We planned a future! We were going to get married and have kids and live in a beautiful house and kiss each other every minute. Don't truly take this away, please tell me you still love me. I just need you to show me you won't ever treat me like that again, show me you are sorry. I don't want to hurt anymore, I want to feel your arms around me and kiss you lips and look into your eyes. You told me you loved me, and I believed you. But you treated me like someone you never loved. We all make mistakes, but you need to let me be me and love me for that. You know that you were the only one, I did so much to show you, I made it clear! You let me go, you should have never let me go! I want you to fight for me, show me you really love me...

But maybe you never did.

& I feel alright

Things change so fast and things change so slow, so slow it hurts and so fast it breaks and we are left looking into each other's eyes, wondering why we have nothing to say. I can feel the sadness swell up in me.. it seems like all we know these days is disappointment. So, we will say goodbye, though neither of us is ready.. it will feel wrong, it will make our stomachs squirm and our limbs feel heavy. We will hold each other for one more night, feeling horrible for the thoughts we thought in fleeting moments of anger or stress, wondering why we didn't better enjoy our time together. But what could we have done? All we have are these mouths that speak and hands that touch, so shouldn't this all be enough? To hold each other and love each other and feel some sort of desperation that makes it physically painful to walk away from one another.. that is enough! It is too much almost, causing sorrow and pain and emotions we prefer to deny and suffocate. So we pretend instead, that nothing will change, that nothing has changed.

Waiting

I am so sorry. But now it's time for us to move forward. I will fix this. I won't give up. East coast or down the street, you will still mean the same to me. I won't let you go.