Curiosity killed the kitty..

I often find myself enthralled with new people who fill me with curiosity.
You have made me curious.

I want to know you.

This Disease.

  And I stood on weak legs and looked out into the stadium. Thousands of people and no faces. There were lights and colors and noises and excitement all around me, but I was blind and deaf. I could only feel my heart beating fearfully in my chest. My eyes blurred and the world around me shifted. I was falling, and no one knew.. but who could I tell? I was dizzy with each breath I took in. I wanted to scream out, yell for help, fall into someone's arms in reality.. just so they could see how I was collapsing on the inside. The last place I wanted to be was standing and hurting and being overwhelmed with excitement and disappointment and the multitude of emotions rushing through my body. But there was no where else I wanted to go. I would just be alone and being beat with the same feelings.
  And so my head spun with the possibilities of each moment. The crowd was cheering silently, the players were running, the ground shook under each footstep they took.. heal toe, sinking grass, brown dirt, heal toe, lights flashing and I couldn't breathe. Why am I suffocating? Why am I drowning? Why does the idea of just smiling seem like a battle? But if I cried out for someone, for help.. I would be admitting defeat. Admitting that I no longer have control. I want so desperately to wake up and feel real again. I don't even remember who I am anymore. I lost myself.
  And I can't remember the last time I did something I loved. When was the last time I took photographs? The last time I did yoga? The last time I put on a song and just danced around? When was the last time I was truly happy? And I know.. and it was so long ago. So I stared out into the stadium and cried in the numbness I was existing in.

Way away, away from here..

If I ran away,
started over,
played in a new world,
would you hate me?

I'm just not sure if I can be here anymore.. I want to leave so desperately.
Everyday, I look at the clock and at the sky and think.. do I have time to just leave?

So I'm sorry if I ruin it all, but it just hurts to be here.

Tattoos

I'm sick of this skin again today
Tat me up, draw on my with pretty colors
Make me look more like myself then I ever have
Just take that needle to my body
Please make me pretty, just make me pretty

don't be shellfish!

and when we think the only way is to not exist anymore.. we are wrong.. because we still exist within others and they need us there, they need us to be selfless and live, live for them, even if we can't live for ourselves..

don't forget that we are alive..

we exist.

we open our eyes in the morning 

we breathe in the sweet air

we feel the sun on our shoulders

but have you forgotten to notice?

notice that we exist.. and that this is splendid?

forget about the fillers for a minute

class will go on, shows will still happen

cars will still speed by, people will keep walking and talking

but you, you will play in the sunshine

you will feel the breeze lick your ears

you will dance with your arms open and the crisp grass under your bare feet

because you will remember how beautiful it is to exist.