on love, in sadness

It hurts so bad, why did this have to happen? I love you so much still. I gave you everything I had and I completely let you into my heart. I can't go an hour without thinking about you or wishing I could talk to you. I know you know me well enough to picture me sitting here, writing this. I'm on my bed, wet hair from the shower, and it hurts. You broke my heart. You did me so wrong, you don't treat the girl you love like that! Even if you were hurt, you would not, should not have treated me like that. I want you to love me still, I want you to come to me and apologize and try to get back together with me. We planned a future! We were going to get married and have kids and live in a beautiful house and kiss each other every minute. Don't truly take this away, please tell me you still love me. I just need you to show me you won't ever treat me like that again, show me you are sorry. I don't want to hurt anymore, I want to feel your arms around me and kiss you lips and look into your eyes. You told me you loved me, and I believed you. But you treated me like someone you never loved. We all make mistakes, but you need to let me be me and love me for that. You know that you were the only one, I did so much to show you, I made it clear! You let me go, you should have never let me go! I want you to fight for me, show me you really love me...

But maybe you never did.

& I feel alright

Things change so fast and things change so slow, so slow it hurts and so fast it breaks and we are left looking into each other's eyes, wondering why we have nothing to say. I can feel the sadness swell up in me.. it seems like all we know these days is disappointment. So, we will say goodbye, though neither of us is ready.. it will feel wrong, it will make our stomachs squirm and our limbs feel heavy. We will hold each other for one more night, feeling horrible for the thoughts we thought in fleeting moments of anger or stress, wondering why we didn't better enjoy our time together. But what could we have done? All we have are these mouths that speak and hands that touch, so shouldn't this all be enough? To hold each other and love each other and feel some sort of desperation that makes it physically painful to walk away from one another.. that is enough! It is too much almost, causing sorrow and pain and emotions we prefer to deny and suffocate. So we pretend instead, that nothing will change, that nothing has changed.